Monday, February 07, 2005

Glutonius Punishmentus will Remain My Name

"Excuse me," Young man with perplexed look asks. "What does that mean?" Pointing to crucifix.

"Oh, that's a crucifix. we have them in different styles and sizes at very good prices."

"I don't know, but . . . You know, Jesus suffered on the cross, but he is alive now."

"Oh yes, definitely. We have crosses with the risen Christ or just plain crosses too."

"So why do you have him on the cross?"

"Because we don't ever want to forget what he went through on the cross."

"But he is no longer on the cross, he is alive."

"No #$%^!" [just kidding, this was not uttered] "I know, that's precisely why he is depicted on the cross."

"But the Bible says to have no graven images."

"Oh yes, I definitely agree with that."

"But what about that?"

"Oh that's Jesus on the cross. I mean, don't you have the a photo of a loved one who passed away perhaps doing something special by which s/he is remembered?"

"I hear you, but one day, I accepted Jesus in my heart and it is all in there, we don't need any graven images. I just saw a video with some people in Mexico and they were bowing to a huge statue of Mary."

"Oh, yes, we have lovely statue of Mary, right there, its 15" and resin with a beautiful resin base, only $60."

"But that's what I'm talking about."

"Come on, do you honestly think that those Mexicans thought that the piece of wood was Mary?"

"No, but . . ."

"Well that's the difference, crap face [oops, that was NOT said], sir."

"But Jesus said not to worship grave images."

"Okay, tell me where in the New Testament it says not to have a crucifix?"

"I didn't say that, all I said was that if Jesus is in your heart then you have joy and you don't have to be so uptight. See me, I'm happy [unspoken inference: you are all uptight and lack Jesus], that's all I'm saying bruh. Well, take it easy man."

"Alright, take it easy _____ [Holy Spirit suppressing mean thoughts]"

Holy Spirit sighs, "Boy, lent cannot come quickly enough for this dude."

To which I remind God the Holy Spirit. Do you remember a few weeks ago this conversation?

"I was born Catholic, will die Catholic and go to Heaven Catholic."

"Oh no you wont, no you won't."

Now that's someone who needs lent. Why do these people come around telling me I'm going to Hell ________________ [Text and thoughts censored by Holy Spirit]

Holy Spirit: "Work out YOUR salvation with . . ."

"Fear and trembling, yeah, yeah, yeah, Phillipians 2. Fine, I'll do something nice for lent, just don't ask to like the Catholic/Christian Right, pray for George Bush or something like that. Deal? (Um, no, not him. Let me rephrase) Agreed?"


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