Tuesday, January 25, 2005

Annatopia has been nominated for a Koufax award for a blog series on her abortion experience. There are 3 parts. Here's parts 2 and 3. I couldn't find part 1.

i remember only a few things from that period - the visit to planned parenthood, where they confirmed the pregnancy and counselled me. they tried to steer me towards adoption until i told them about my drug history, at which point they relented and referred me to local abortion providers (of which there were THREE serving a city of several million people). i remember going to the grocery store and buying foods i was craving, as well as aspirin for the migraines. i think the monkey made the phone call and set up the appointment. my twenty-fifth birthday passing. the night before we went to the clinic, standing in front of my mirror with my clothes off, pressing my palms against my uterus and trying to communicate with that little embryo... telling it that i loved it and i was sorry that i couldn't be a good mother right now. that i was sorry my timing sucked, and that maybe in some other time i'd have been healthy and happy and ready to welcome life into the world. i was just trying to communicate love to that potential life. i didn't know if it understood, but i hoped that maybe it felt something, because although i was only a few weeks pregnant, i'd become deeply attached.... i just stood there and thought about it as hard as i could, and then i laid down and cried myself to sleep.


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